College Football Weekend 23 October

As my plumber said, "I’ll take a crack at this." As always if you know anyone else who’d like to receive this e-mail let me know, and likewise if you are tired of spam from me by all means let me know.

We’re midway through the college football season, and it looks like there’s a very real chance we’ll see a team from a smaller conference, most likely Boise State, in the National Championship. The reasons, like the amount of chicken I had for lunch yesterday, are substantial (note: I almost went for a fat girl joke there but resisted because I’m too classy to make fun of large broads):

First of all there is a lack of real depth at the top of the major conferences. Oregon is a good team, but they aren’t clear cut above the rest of the country. Alabama looked unstoppable but the combination of luck and bad referee eyesight had them lose at South Carolina. I think Auburn and LSU will both pick up more than one loss in the next couple weeks, I think the three undefeated teams in the Big 12 are not up to the challenge, maybe Oklahoma sneaks through to the National Title game, but they could also lose this week at Missouri, who is also a team with major flaws. The ACC and the Big East are terrible in terms of the national title, so I will continue to believe they don’t exist. And as for the Big Ten, who knows what team is going to win that sissy slap fight, I will eat a hat and send everyone pictures if Michigan State remains undefeated.

Second is the fact that Boise started the year ranked so hard.

Third I love their uniforms.

Fourth they will very likely run the table and they were ranked #3 to start the season...

So an Oklahoma/Oregon match-up would run that, but I don't see it happening. So for the major conferences I predict the following final results:

ACC: Virginia Tech over Florida State in the Championship Game
Big 12: Oklahoma State over Nebraska in the Championship Game
Big East: West Virginia goes and plays in the Low Rated Bowl
Big 10: Iowa wins and gets to participate in the Toilet Bowl
Pac 10: I'd be surprised if Oregon doesn't win the PAC-10, undefeated, maybe
SEC: Alabama over South Carolina in an epic rematch

And now the questions:
"This is much shorter than last years emails." - Brian
I also lack in certain Brett Farve-esque areas...mmm double entendre

"Good to have you back Martin. Now down to business... My Irish have 3 quality losses and seem to be getting better each week under the new coach. What are the chances ND runs into an undefeated Utah team in a months time and knocks them off?" - Yale
The Irish have a shot to very quietly possibly win seven games in a row going into the final game of the season against USC - I legitimately think that they can get by No. 9 Utah in South Bend since they have two weeks to prepare. Dayne Crist may be a year away from being the best Quarterback in the nation, not kidding, and Michael Floyd and the rest of those receivers are getting more in tune with Crist. The key is going to be Armondo Allen being able to run the ball, and the Notre Dame defense has made some strides, we'll see if it is enough.

Games of the Week:
#6 LSU at #4 Auburn - Some hot Tiger on Tiger action...damn that's a really good place to have a Tiger Woods joke, something like, "and that's the only kind of action Tiger gets anymore!" but I'm going to leave that joke on the cutting room floor. LSU is the luckiest team in the nation, how lucky you ask? Well last week they made a fortune after striking oil in the bathroom of the mansion they had won in a lottery. Whether it be insanely bad clock management skills, or ocean madness, head coach Les Miles continues to improbably win games that LSU has no business winning. Auburn on the other hand just got done with the 1000+ yards, and 108 point, anti-SEC tradition protest with Arkansas last weekend. It was the highest scoring SEC game of all time, and frankly both Auburn and Arkansas are now scorned by the rest of the conference. So what is going to give first, LSU's luck, or Auburn's lack of defense? Expect Auburn QB and Heisman hopeful Cameron Newton, an extreme threat running or passing the ball, to be the difference. Expect a much more modest score out of Auburn this week, something in the range of 140-137 Auburn.

#13 Wisconsin at #15 Iowa - Watching the Wisconsin Badgers this year is like surfing with a chainsaw in one hand and a metallic kite in the other hand in a lightning storm. You aren't exactly sure what's going to happen from one second to the next, but you have a feeling it's not good and at best inconsistent. They beat at the time #1 Ohio State last week, but I think that game probably took a lot out of them, particularly out of the defense, who was beat up in the second half of that game. The Iowa Hawkeyes are one of the nation's premier run defenses, and QB Ricky Stanzi should be able to make things happen. Without the running game, Wisconsin is probably going to hurt themselves with that chainsaw they are holding. The game should be close but the home team will prevail 28-27.

#16 Nebraska at #14 Oklahoma State- The Cornhuskers of Nebraska were exposed last week, like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. QB Taylor Martinex was beaten up by Texas and that all but ended his Heisman bid. The Oklahoma State Cowboys offense has been fantastic all year, like that one season Family Guy before they used the cutaway too much. The Black Shirts of Nebraska (the nickname for the defense) is the best defense they have seen all year. The big match-up to watch are two of the best players in the country at their position, OK State's WR Justin Blackmon, and Nebraska Cornerback Prince Amukamara, expect every pro scout in the nation to watch tape on those two against one another. I suspect that Oklahoma State will throttle Taylor Martinez as much a possible, but expect a high scoring game, something like 40-37 OKST.

#1 Oklahoma at #11 Missouri - The Sooners of Oklahoma are almost to the level of Wisconsin inconsistency, but they've still managed to land on their feet every time they've played, unlike a cat with butter strapped to its back, which hovers about 6 inches off the ground. The Missouri Tigers could be the sternest test Oklahoma has faced this year, but I wouldn't know because I haven't seen one second of Missouri other then the highlights of their fiasco vs. San Diego State where they should have lost. So with no knowledge about Missouri I'm going to make some things up about them, Missouri has an average GPA of 2.73 and their right tackle is actually a giant green Frankenstein monster from the science department. Missouri leads the nation in halftime snacks and they all enjoy the soothing sounds of a good Huey Lewis album (they're all good). Oklahoma wins big, and then both teams have orange slices after the game.

Have a great weekend. Ohh also this is the best spelling job I've ever done on one of these, so if you see a word misspelled, you're wrong.