College Football Weekend 30 October

Last week was unusually fantastic. Four undefeated teams lost, including the #1 team, and I got to have chili con queso which was fantastic. There would have been 5 undefeated teams that lost but somehow Michigan State paid off the refs and squeaked out a come from behind win at the mighty Northwestern Wildcats, who are known for their excellent sports journalism school and also being bad at sports. If you watched the Auburn/LSU game, you saw Auburn QB Carlos Newton dominate a game by basically running over defenders like they were small children trying to tackle their father in a backyard football game. If you saw that game then you also may have noticed that the commentator made the same joke I did about regardless of the outcome the tigers winning, which just goes to show how hilarious I am...

Anyway, this week has a slightly less stellar slate of games, but don't be surprised if for the third week in a row the number 1 or 2 team in the nation loses. And in the comments we get a lot of posturing for smaller schools.

Comments:
"Common (Ed. Note: is that supposed to be Come on?) man no plug for San Diego State other than the Missouri conference!?!?! We beat Air Force and realistically should be 6 - 0 if you take away the two horrible ref "no-calls" against BYU and Missouri. I'm disappointed! Otherwise good column.
Regards, Brad"

You're right, I'm not giving them much due, maybe it's because I hate small schools and small conferences (sarcasm), or maybe it's because they lost to a mighty BYU team who is 3-5 overall and 5th in the Mountain West Conference...San Diego State will certainly have a chance to prove their worthiness in the middle of November when they play TCU and Utah. Until then they'll have to hang their hat on that signature 47-0 win over Division 1-AA Nicholls State.

"Will Duquesne continue it's road dominance of Wagner in a pivotal NEC tilt? People want to know! I know it's not Lafayette-Lehigh, but still Jenkins ... You're better than that!! - Dan"

How does Duquesne feel about being included in the Northeast Conference? I would hardly call that the Northeast, if anything shouldn't they be pushing to get into a real mans league, something like the Patriot League? Speaking of which, how does it feel to lose to perennial Patriot League doormat and current 1-6 Bucknell, a school so pathetic that they have to try and goad other Patriot League teams into being their rival since they don't have a rival to call their own. I wish that I was making that up...

"If it was me, I would've eaten more sandwiches. But then again, pretty much anything makes me want to eat more sandwiches - Michael Ratcliffe"

Best/most accurate comment ever

Games:
Tennessee at #20 South Carolina:
What's the over under on the number of times it gets mentioned that the Tennessee head coach Derek Dooley compared to his team being like the Germans waiting for the allies to land at Normandy? How many signs in the South Carolina crowd are there going to be comparing him to Hitler. I wish I was making this up:
http://www.nationalfootballpost.com/Dooley-Were-like-the-Germans-in-World-War-II-9774.html
The classy thing to do here if you are a South Carolina fan would be to ignore it completely and have a poster of Dooley with some hound dog ears.

#5 Michigan State at #18 Iowa:
Michigan State is due to lose a game, so much so that I've already bet that I would eat a hat if they do not lose in the regular season. Imagine my surprise when my friend brought over a hat catalogue last weekend...delightful. The Spartans of Michigan State have relied all year on trickery and smoke and mirrors as well as a strong running game. Expect the Iowa Hawkeyes defensive front to slow down the rushing attack, which will cause Michigan State to throw the ball, which may not be such a bad thing considering QB Kirk Cousins put up 330 yards last week. Iowa will rely on Senior QB Ricky Stanzi who was excellent in last week’s 1 point loss against Wisconsin. I really want Iowa to win this, as it may be the last decent challenge on the Michigan State schedule, and I've got a certain place in my heart for not having to eat a hat.

#6 Missouri at #14 Nebraska:
Last week I vocalized how nicely the schedule sets up for the Missouri Tigers to run the table if they get past Oklahoma, and get past them they did. Now they take their high powered pass offense to Nebraska to face a Cornhuskers defense that is number three in the country in pass defense. The difference this year for Missouri from past seasons is that they are apparently playing defense now. Which sounds odd I know, like hearing that your deadbeat cousin got a job and got married and is a good father but you are always going to remember him as the guy who had to go to the hospital because he swallowed super glue and some legos when he was 15, but apparently it's true as Missouri has the 4th best defense in the country. The recipe for success against Nebraska this year is stop QB Taylor Martinez from running all over the place and win, also add a touch of salt. Missouri stops him and they win, they fail to stop him and their dreams of an undefeated season go out the window like Charlie Sheen's pride. I'll take Nebraska at home.

#2 Oregon at University of Southern California:
I can't decide if the Oregon Ducks are really really good, or if they are playing people on weeks when they are down. This game will confirm which one of those is the correct answer. Oregon's offense moves fast and lives large, like me in an all you can eat buffet. And nobody can question their stance on kicking butt, they have really crushed everyone they played this year even Stanford, who were close and then eventually couldn't keep up the pace. USC has had two weeks to plan for Oregon, and QB Matt Barkley will have success throwing the ball. The USC defense will probably be able to hang with Oregon for a bit, but again to bring back the all you can eat buffet comparison, like me they can only do that for so long before they get full and fall asleep and have to be embarrassingly escorted out of the buffet by the manager. I think if anyone is going to beat Oregon this year it will be USC, and the Trojans would love to spoil the fun since they aren't allowed in the post-season. I expect this game to play out much like the Stanford-Oregon game, close for 3 quarters, unclose for the last.

Have a great weekend. (Note: there was not one Halloween joke in this entire thing, deal with it)

College Football Weekend 23 October

As my plumber said, "I’ll take a crack at this." As always if you know anyone else who’d like to receive this e-mail let me know, and likewise if you are tired of spam from me by all means let me know.

We’re midway through the college football season, and it looks like there’s a very real chance we’ll see a team from a smaller conference, most likely Boise State, in the National Championship. The reasons, like the amount of chicken I had for lunch yesterday, are substantial (note: I almost went for a fat girl joke there but resisted because I’m too classy to make fun of large broads):

First of all there is a lack of real depth at the top of the major conferences. Oregon is a good team, but they aren’t clear cut above the rest of the country. Alabama looked unstoppable but the combination of luck and bad referee eyesight had them lose at South Carolina. I think Auburn and LSU will both pick up more than one loss in the next couple weeks, I think the three undefeated teams in the Big 12 are not up to the challenge, maybe Oklahoma sneaks through to the National Title game, but they could also lose this week at Missouri, who is also a team with major flaws. The ACC and the Big East are terrible in terms of the national title, so I will continue to believe they don’t exist. And as for the Big Ten, who knows what team is going to win that sissy slap fight, I will eat a hat and send everyone pictures if Michigan State remains undefeated.

Second is the fact that Boise started the year ranked so hard.

Third I love their uniforms.

Fourth they will very likely run the table and they were ranked #3 to start the season...

So an Oklahoma/Oregon match-up would run that, but I don't see it happening. So for the major conferences I predict the following final results:

ACC: Virginia Tech over Florida State in the Championship Game
Big 12: Oklahoma State over Nebraska in the Championship Game
Big East: West Virginia goes and plays in the Low Rated Bowl
Big 10: Iowa wins and gets to participate in the Toilet Bowl
Pac 10: I'd be surprised if Oregon doesn't win the PAC-10, undefeated, maybe
SEC: Alabama over South Carolina in an epic rematch

And now the questions:
"This is much shorter than last years emails." - Brian
I also lack in certain Brett Farve-esque areas...mmm double entendre

"Good to have you back Martin. Now down to business... My Irish have 3 quality losses and seem to be getting better each week under the new coach. What are the chances ND runs into an undefeated Utah team in a months time and knocks them off?" - Yale
The Irish have a shot to very quietly possibly win seven games in a row going into the final game of the season against USC - I legitimately think that they can get by No. 9 Utah in South Bend since they have two weeks to prepare. Dayne Crist may be a year away from being the best Quarterback in the nation, not kidding, and Michael Floyd and the rest of those receivers are getting more in tune with Crist. The key is going to be Armondo Allen being able to run the ball, and the Notre Dame defense has made some strides, we'll see if it is enough.

Games of the Week:
#6 LSU at #4 Auburn - Some hot Tiger on Tiger action...damn that's a really good place to have a Tiger Woods joke, something like, "and that's the only kind of action Tiger gets anymore!" but I'm going to leave that joke on the cutting room floor. LSU is the luckiest team in the nation, how lucky you ask? Well last week they made a fortune after striking oil in the bathroom of the mansion they had won in a lottery. Whether it be insanely bad clock management skills, or ocean madness, head coach Les Miles continues to improbably win games that LSU has no business winning. Auburn on the other hand just got done with the 1000+ yards, and 108 point, anti-SEC tradition protest with Arkansas last weekend. It was the highest scoring SEC game of all time, and frankly both Auburn and Arkansas are now scorned by the rest of the conference. So what is going to give first, LSU's luck, or Auburn's lack of defense? Expect Auburn QB and Heisman hopeful Cameron Newton, an extreme threat running or passing the ball, to be the difference. Expect a much more modest score out of Auburn this week, something in the range of 140-137 Auburn.

#13 Wisconsin at #15 Iowa - Watching the Wisconsin Badgers this year is like surfing with a chainsaw in one hand and a metallic kite in the other hand in a lightning storm. You aren't exactly sure what's going to happen from one second to the next, but you have a feeling it's not good and at best inconsistent. They beat at the time #1 Ohio State last week, but I think that game probably took a lot out of them, particularly out of the defense, who was beat up in the second half of that game. The Iowa Hawkeyes are one of the nation's premier run defenses, and QB Ricky Stanzi should be able to make things happen. Without the running game, Wisconsin is probably going to hurt themselves with that chainsaw they are holding. The game should be close but the home team will prevail 28-27.

#16 Nebraska at #14 Oklahoma State- The Cornhuskers of Nebraska were exposed last week, like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. QB Taylor Martinex was beaten up by Texas and that all but ended his Heisman bid. The Oklahoma State Cowboys offense has been fantastic all year, like that one season Family Guy before they used the cutaway too much. The Black Shirts of Nebraska (the nickname for the defense) is the best defense they have seen all year. The big match-up to watch are two of the best players in the country at their position, OK State's WR Justin Blackmon, and Nebraska Cornerback Prince Amukamara, expect every pro scout in the nation to watch tape on those two against one another. I suspect that Oklahoma State will throttle Taylor Martinez as much a possible, but expect a high scoring game, something like 40-37 OKST.

#1 Oklahoma at #11 Missouri - The Sooners of Oklahoma are almost to the level of Wisconsin inconsistency, but they've still managed to land on their feet every time they've played, unlike a cat with butter strapped to its back, which hovers about 6 inches off the ground. The Missouri Tigers could be the sternest test Oklahoma has faced this year, but I wouldn't know because I haven't seen one second of Missouri other then the highlights of their fiasco vs. San Diego State where they should have lost. So with no knowledge about Missouri I'm going to make some things up about them, Missouri has an average GPA of 2.73 and their right tackle is actually a giant green Frankenstein monster from the science department. Missouri leads the nation in halftime snacks and they all enjoy the soothing sounds of a good Huey Lewis album (they're all good). Oklahoma wins big, and then both teams have orange slices after the game.

Have a great weekend. Ohh also this is the best spelling job I've ever done on one of these, so if you see a word misspelled, you're wrong.

College Football Weekend November 13th and 14th

Well I’m guilty of a bit of sloth lately, and I apologize. I’m a terrible human being and I deserve nothing but disapproval and shame. But enough about me, let’s talk about what’s going on in college football. Essentially there are three teams that control their destiny, with several others hoping for those three teams to fall. Florida, Texas, and Alabama all control their destiny, and either Florida or Alabama will knock the other one off in the SEC championship game. At this point I don’t think anyone is going to beat those three teams in the regular season, and if one of them do lose it would be a major upset.

On the outside looking in are Cincinnati, TCU, and Boise State, all of which need some help to get in the championship game. But at this time last year there were a number of undefeated teams that needed help and instead of getting help they all failed to take care of their own business. The most likely situation is that Texas is going to play the winner of Alabama/Florida, and then these other teams play in other BCS games. Luckily the ACC, Big-10 and Pac-10 have taken themselves out of the conversation for the National Championship.

As for the Heisman? I have no clue who is going to win at this point, I think there are lots of deserving players on about 7 or 8 teams. Some people are saying crazy things like a defensive player winning. Well those people are insane, and they should be doing insane things like petting pretend porcupines, and licking unicorns. But happy Veteran’s day to all those Veterans out there, and on to the one and only comment:

“Hey remember that guy who used to write a college football column? That was fun. I don't care about your "personal life" or that "things are busy at work." I want to know your take on the Utah-TCU game!” – Dan

I hate you.

Games:

Friday November 12^th:

#25 West Virginia at #5 Cincinnati 8PM EST:

The Cincinnati Bearcats have been weathering the storm for a bit while their starting QB Tony Pike has been hurt for the last 3 weeks and luckily Zach Collaros has filled in adequately, just like that guy who filled in for Radar on MASH (I don’t even know if that reference is correct). The Bearcats are interesting, because they’ve snuck up on the national scene, and they’ve done it with a little bit of style. The Bearcats have won every game pretty convincingly with the exception of last game which got a little out of hand at the end.

The West Virginia Mountaineers have a couple marks against them, both from teams that were able to slow down the spread option attack. They rely on the blazing speed of RB Noel Devine and the fast but not quite as fast speed of QB Jarrett Brown. The key to West Virginia as always is getting your defense to play smart by sticking to their assignments, so that is the big test for the Bearcats.

If you get a chance to watch this game, prepare to see some offense, because both these teams are very offensively inclined, I’m thinking somewhere in the range of 1000 yards of offense or more. What concerns me about Cincinnati is that they apparently have plans to bring Tony Pike in off the bench in this game, in the past I’ve rarely seen that kind of thing work, and if they do it too much in the game it can break the offensive rhythm, which is like stepping on your dance partner’s toes. I think Cincinnati will win a high scoring affair at home.

Saturday November 14^th

#10 Iowa at #11 Ohio State 3:30PM EST

First let’s talk stakes here, the winner of this game goes on to the Rose Bowl in Southern California the beginning of January, which if you are coming from Iowa City or Columbus, is pretty nice. Heck it’s nice no matter where you are coming from (not trying to rub it in, just saying). The loser will not be playing in a BCS game, and they probably will be playing a bowl game somewhere considerably colder then Los Angeles. I’ll get my prediction out of the way early and tell you that if I was an Iowa fan, I wouldn’t book tickets to Socal to see my brother and this bowl game, not only because I don’t think Iowa isn’t going to win, but also because you never call >:(

The Hawkeyes have been getting by all year by the skin of their teeth, and that skin finally got scraped last weekend when they dropped a game to Northwestern. Their starting QB Ricky Stanzi got hurt in what looked like a very nasty sack in the endzone (his own). Ohio State got beaten at home by USC early in the year and then got clipped by Purdue a couple weeks ago. This year is a bit of a rebuilding year for the Buckeyes as they’ve been trying to get QB Terrelle Pryor to live up to the hype he had coming out of high school. At one time Pryor was the most highly coveted quarterback in all the country, and he ended up spurring about 10 schools to go to Ohio State. He’s a great dual threat quarterback, and although he hasn’t been a superstar this year, he’s improved and I suspect he’ll have a breakout year next year.

Iowa has really been fortunate that they didn’t lose before last weekend. Iowa doesn’t have the defense to win this game, and their inconsistent offense only trouble me more. But they did go into Happy Valley and beat Penn State back in September, which is an eternity ago in college football, but who knows, maybe they can capture a bit of their early season magic. I believe that it’s Ohio State’s dominant defense that is going to punch their first ticket to the Rose Bowl since 1996, and Iowa will have to continue their 19 year drought from Pasadena.

#16 Utah at #4 TCU 7:30PM EST

This is maybe the best and most important game of the week in the land when it comes to the BCS. The TCU Horned Frogs are 1-5 all time against the Utah Utes, who suffered their only loss of the season against Oregon back in September. These two teams have played some really exciting close games in the last 4 years, and while Utah has won all but one game, an overtime loss in 2005, none of the games have been blowouts. Expect a very hard fought, nose to the grindstone type of game. A defensive battle is almost certainly going to break out.

The last time I talked about TCU, I spoke poorly of them and they burned me by lighting BYU up badly. I was all set to talk about how this game really was going to come down to which Utah team showed up the one that crushed or the one that went to overtime with the Air Force Academy? But then I realized two things; first, actually doesn’t exist, because Utah hasn’t really beat anyone impressive this season. And second, although Utah beat Air Force in overtime, TCU only beat them by 3 points. So I nearly slighted Air Force and game them no credit.

In the end I think you are going to see a defensive battle, even though TCU has a much better offense, Utah probably has a slightly better defense. But Utah always seems to come up big in most big games, and with their potent running game and tough defense they have a very good fighting chance at TCU. TCU should win, and I think they will, but you can never count out a game Utah team. They are like Hulk Hogan, they never tap and just when you think they are beat and the ref is about to drop their arm for the third time to signal they are unconscious…they Hulk up and get out and body press their opponent and deliver the leg drop, cover for the three count, and then cue the theme music Hulkamaniacs! “I am a real American…fight for the rights of every man….”

Everyone have a great weekend, and be sure to thank any Veterans in your life.

College Football Weekend October 24th

This week in college football is rather bland, only two top 25 teams playing each other, but there are all kinds of other fun games. As a warning to the three people who read this, there are numerous kitten jokes in this week’s column. Onto the comments:

“Another epic column. You are the James Joyce of our generation sir” – Dan

I wonder what you are going to be saying about me once I badmouth West Virginia....farther down the page.

“Can we get a Marty Jenkins response to the loss the Dawgs suffered to LSU as a result of a completely BS excessive celebration? There's a lot of commentary coming out of that on whether or not it's a reasonable penalty to enforce. I just gotta say, from a legal standpoint, it's unreasonable because it's too rarely enforced and that leads to arbitrariness, which is something that should be avoided in order to keep up respect for the law (rules in this case) and those who enforce them.” –Alex

I don’t know about a legal standpoint, but from my understanding that particular referee crew has been suspended after the jobs they did in both that game and the Arkansas/Florida game. But there are two things that really stand out to me about the incident. First, I don’t think excessive celebration should be called in college unless it involves taunting the other team or the other team’s fans. Second, the call didn’t lose the game for Georgia, missed tackles did that, but the call didn’t help. On to the games.

Saturday 24 October

#13 Georgia Tech at Virginia 12PM EST

I’m writing about this one not because I think it will be a good game, I actually think that one wat or the other this game will be terrible to watch. The Virginia Cavaliers are one of the most inconsistent teams in the country. First they drop a game to a division 1-AA team, and they don’t just drop it in a close score, they basically threw that game off a tall building into an open sewer cover that led right down into an access hatch in a super-villain’s lair that emptied into a hole that was actually the entrance to a secret hive-colony of mole men that reside deep within the earth’s core. Virginia then lost two more games against better opponents and they actually played pretty well and then went on a three game winning streak that included beating three decent teams all in lopsided scores. This team is either as confused as a kitten trying to do brain surgery, or something really happened to them after the first three games of the season.

The Yellow Jackets of Georgia Tech have one of the best running games in the country. In their upset of Virginia Tech last weekend they completed 1 (one) pass all game. This game goes down one of two ways. Either Tech uses their triple option attack and blows away the Cavaliers or that kitten learns how to do brain surgery and Virginia once again confuses the heck out of everyone in the country. I like Tech here and I would count on them winning, but all I’m saying is that kittens are very precocious.

The Big East Games 12 PM EST

South Florida at #20 Pittsburgh

Connecticut at #23 West Virginia

Let me go ahead and be brutally honest here, I haven’t watched one Big East game this year other then a few minutes of some Cincinnati games and also I have never lied to my parents. My outstanding record of honesty aside these are two important games featuring 4 teams that should all get some consideration for being in the top 25. The leader of the pack in the Big East is the #5 ranked Bearcats of Cincinnati, but they have only played South Florida so they’ve still got the meat of their schedule to go. It’s not out of the question that the Bulls of South Florida, the Pittsburgh Panthers, the West Virginia Mountaineers and Couch Burning Association, and the Connecticut Huskies could all be contenders for the Big East title and a BCS berth. So keep an eye on all these games, they have big bowl game implications. I’ll take South Florida’s defense over the balanced attack of Pittsburgh, and I’ll take West Virginia at home because they tend to throw batteries.

#13 Penn State vs Michigan 3:30PM EST

Penn State hasn’t beaten Michigan at Ann Arbor in 1000 years according to my detailed records. The Nittany Lions, led by senior QB Daryll Clark, who is putting together a nice little Heisman campaign backed by Penn State’s propaganda machine, if you discount the loss to Iowa he’d be a very viable candidate. Michigan is hard to peg, they’ve lost two games this year to Big 10 opponents, but the Wolverines are also within a couple plays/seconds of being either 7-0 or 2-5. Neither of these teams are elite, but if Penn State wants any chance at being the Big 10 champs, they need to win this pivotal rivalry game.

Penn State is the superior team both talent wise and on paper. And that and a kitten with a ball of string will get you a happy kitten in Ann Arbor, where 100 thousand plus fans will remind Penn State that they haven’t won in Ann Arbor in 13 years (not 1000 as previously stated). I haven’t been able to figure out who is playing QB for the Wolverines, but if QB Tate Forcier dresses and is healthy, the chances of victory increase greatly, because he is elusive and can give that vaunted Penn State defense trouble. More trouble then a kitten caught in a tree…I’ll take Penn State to break that streak

#8 TCU at #16 Brigham Young 7:30PM

This is the best game of the week, and the only game between ranked teams, and yet you will probably hear very little on any major sports network or site. In fact this game won’t be broadcast on any major television network as far as I can tell. That’s a shame because it’s going to be a doozy. Last year the TCU Horned Frogs dealt the BYU Cougars their first loss and dashed their BCS buster hopes as if they were a mean person taking away a toy from a kitten! BYU is hoping to return the favor by taking away the Horned Toads uhhh…lily pads? (yes I’m aware horned toads probably don’t use lily pads).

TCU is going to try and make their case for discussion in the National Title contention, they won’t make it just by going undefeated, they need some help from the teams above them, specifically Texas, Florida and Alabama. If TCU and Boise State both go undefeated my understanding is that TCU would likely pull ahead of Boise in the BCS standings. They would also probably vault USC with an undefeated season and maybe Iowa and Cincinnati.

But all that is discussion for another day because the TCU defense has to bottle up BYU’s great offense. BYU QB Max Hall will most likely be playing in the NFL, he’s got a good arm and understanding of a pro style offense, but the key to BYU winning this game could very well be the ability of the BYU tight ends to get open for dumpoff passes against the blitz. TCU is going to rush the heck out of Max Hall because they can’t let him throw without pressure, they don’t have the offense to keep up in a shootout with BYU. The battle all game is going to be the BYU offensive line slowing down the TCU pass rush enough to give Hall time to throw, they won’t stop the pass rush, they can just hope to slow it down, possibly by holding it’s tail. I’ll take BYU at home, in a close game, BYU has been outstanding in close games.

College Football Weekend 15 October

Ok so after a two week hiatus I’m back, and late, and ugly…so I’ve got a lot of things going for me. But on pain of death and disownment I’m back. My very own mother, threatened terrible things if I didn’t send it out. So here it is. Straight into the games, and this is one of my favorite weekends of the college football year, with both the Red River Rivalry between Texas and Oklahoma, and the always fun to watch USC/Notre Dame both of which figure to be entertaining.

Saturday October 15^th

#20 Oklahoma vs. #3 Texas 12PM EST

Much of the glamour of this game was lost when Oklahoma lost for the second time against Miami a couple weeks ago. The Sooners have had injury problems this year, both with starting Quarterback and Heisman winner Sam Bradford, and all over their offensive line. But this is a rivalry game, and just like any rivalry no matter how down in the dumps your foe might be, and no matter how beat up they might be you still want to kick their teeth in and take their mom out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again. And that’s exactly what the Texas Longhorns are hoping to do, led by QB Colt McCoy. Colt McCoy will look to take apart his arch-enemies much like I take apart my arch-enemy Yale Roeder in any and every competition.

Both teams read a wide open spread offense, and although Oklahoma’s offense is a shell of what people expected it to be at the beginning of this year maybe like a turtle there is some kind of treasure left inside. Many analysts are wondering if this Texas defense is even better than last years, with DE/OLB Sergio Kindle it could be. According to Texas defensive coordinator Will Muschamp they are better this year, certainly faster. Some people think that the Oklahoma Sooner offense has been sandbagging it all year in an effort to fool Texas. Well if you ask me they did a pretty spectacular job sandbagging their way to two losses and putting them selves out of National title contention. They sure had me fooled. This game may be close but I would be highly surprised if the Texas defense doesn’t dominate Oklahoma’s offensive line, and Texas socres just enough to put them over the top.

#6 USC at # 25 Notre Dame 3:30PM EST

You know how there’s that pretty girl (or boy) who you always dream of catching and beating in a football game? But you can never do it for one reason or another no matter how high you grow the grass in your stadium or what uniform you wear for good luck? Well USC is just like that for Notre Dame, they can just never seem to have the confidence or charm to win her over. The Irish haven’t beaten USC in 7 years and they’ve tried everything they can. But the Trojans always seem to find a way to win, either by pushing the quarterback in the back for a surprise late touchdown, or by scoring 38 points and giving all the Irish players wedgies.

But this year is different if you believe the faithful Fighting Irish fans! They’ve done the math and they know, USC lost to Washington, Notre Dame beat Washington, and therefore transitive football math says that Notre Dame is going to win! Unfortunately it doesn’t quite work that way. I’ll be brutally honest here, I’ve seen enough of the Irish this year to say with confidence that they aren’t a great team. Their coach has argued that they are a fluke play away from being undefeated this season, which is great if you are a glass have full guy. But if you are like me, and you are a middle of the glass is empty kinda person, you could argue that the Irish are several plays or seconds away from being 1-4. There is legitimate talent on for Notre Dame, and a large part of it is Jimmy Clausen, the quarterback who has averaged over 300 yards passing a game. But he will have to overcome quite a bit to beat the USC defense which is ranked 6^th in the country.

But all is not lost, unlike the random socks I lose on the regular, victory for the Irish has a chance at being found. And that chance lies in the fact that USC’s offense isn’t the juggernaut it has been in past years. It is filled with young players who have only experienced once or twice the kind of atmosphere they are going to see in South Bend. And rest assured that grass will be as high as possible, and the crowd will be full of tradition and pomp with a side of circumstance. But in the end I suspect Touchdown Jesus will be frowning when the men of Troy come to town.

#4 Virginia Tech at #19 Georgia Tech 6PM EST

It’s been 19 years since the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets beat the Virginia Tech Hokies at home in Georgia. Take a moment to think about all the advances that have been made since then…my favorite is butter spray. Georgia Tech has played better on the road this season then they have at home, and they’ll need to reverse that trend and get their triple option running attack going early if they want to overcome the Hokies defense. The Hokies have played some big out of conference games, and faired well in all of them, even the loss to Alabama, the only mark against the Hokies is their inconsistency, which is not something that happens with butter spray, it goes on smooth every time.

This game is hard to predict, Virginia Tech’s defense could just dominate the game, and I think that’s probably the most likely scenario. But both teams are so flaky, one week Tech stomped Miami badly, the next week they nearly lost to Duke. Georgia Tech could barely muster any offense against Miami but they came out and put 49 points on Florida State. The most likely scenario is that Tech just shuts down Tech and Tech goes on to be 6-1.

#22 South Carolina at #2 Alabama 7:45PM EST

I think Alabama will stumble at some point in the year before the SEC championship game, but I don’t think this is the week. The Crimson Tide’s defense is bruising and nasty, like an old peach that hasn’t been blessed with a squirt of butter spray. Inside linebacker Rolando McClain is the best junior linebacker in the country and he would be even more standout if it weren’t for all the other great players playing with him at Alabama.

South Carolina is trying to win its fifth straight game, and second against a top 5 team this year. But they are outgunned at ever single position group except the defensive line. I think that the defensive line for South Carolina will keep the game closer then it otherwise would be, but I think Alabama is going to be too much team for the Gamecocks.

That’s all for this week, as always I promise better next week! And as always Yale I'll be looking for new and inventive ways to dominate you at all things we do.

College Football Weekend September 26th

Thankfully last week Virginia Tech saved my bacon in the last minute of the game or I would have been completely wrong about every game. As a reward I am pushing Virginia Tech under the bus and picking Miami this week. That’s what you get for helping me, my thanks and then I sell you out.

Most people have some conviction about the Thursday night game this week, feeling that perhaps South Carolina is a trap game for Mississippi. My question is, how is Ole Miss ranked 4^th? Was I asleep at the wheel or something? How does a team that went 9-4 last year with losses to wake Forrest and Vanderbilt get ranked in the top 10 to start the next year? Well I won’t stand for it, and I won’t write about the game, because South Carolina is going to win.

Sadly this is my last column….in the month of September (I bet for the briefest moment a dozen people got really excited there). September is my favorite month of football, it contains all measure of surprises and excitement, it paints a picture for the rest of the year and tells me that fall is coming. On to comments:

“Umm how about Georgia v. Arkansas? Dawgs had a solid game against USC last week.” – Alex

Arkansas sucks and that game was bust, and I’m writing about Georgia this week.

“Such a sad sad weekend for college football. Here I am in Chicago and I don't even care that I have no chance of being around Louisville for the Louisville-Kentucky game. A game that used to be at least a tiny bit interesting based on having that sunday on labor day weekend time slot and one of the teams not being half bad now has absolutely no reason to attract viewers. While Steve Kragthorpe continues to throw dirt on the now cold carcass of what used to be Louisville football, Kentucky is coming off a banner run of three bowl games and is projected to finish the season...second to last in the SEC. Last year's contest was barely watchable. I think it's the only time I have ever attended a football game in person and been more entertained by the commercial breaks. Prediction!!

Kentucky 35
Louisville 13

Louisville plays 3 quarterbacks, at least once attempting to use 2 at the same time, and being effective enough to muster 0 TD and 3 ints. Victor Anderson runs well enough that the announcers in the booth are caught talking about how he should find 10 other guys and join an actual team when espnu comes back from commercial early. Kentucky runs...and runs...and runs...and runs, controlling the game clock and easily putting up 5 TD, never coming close to relinquishing the 21-3 halftime lead. During the 4th quarter John Calipari makes an appearance for a live on-air interview and briefly chastises Pitino for knocking up his wife before taking credit for the victory by saying he helped "bring kentucky back". In the post game interview Kragthorpe talks about the smiles on the faces of the children in the stands when we play. When informed that this was a road game, he asks for a copy of the final score to be faxed to his office and heads off for his afternoon nap. Brooks mumbles about fishing and tomato gardens for 10 minutes. A disheveled Mrs. Kragthorpe stumbles into the press conference late, followed 5 minutes later by a grinning Rick Pitino in a silver suit...with perfect hair.

Let it be known that all these predictions were emailed prior to kickoff.” – Paul

Least optimistic e-mail ever? Also possibly the greatest ever, all I’ll say is that this game was closer then I thought. On to games.

Saturday 26 September

Fresno State at #14 Cincinnati 12PM EST

Fresno is a tough team, and if you watched the game last Friday, when they wouldn’t stop trading long touchdowns with Boise, you know that the Bulldogs aren’t afraid to explode on offense, either through the air or on the ground. The Bearcats of Cincinnati (which I can never spell correctly) have a stud of a quarterback in Senior Tony Pike, who is completing over 70% of his passes. He’ll need to slow down the fleet footed Junior Running Back for the Bulldogs, Ryan Mathews, who is averaging 9.1 yards a carry for his 49 carries this year (can you do the math)?

Both teams are top 10 in the nation in offense, so I expect a high scoring fast pace game. Fresno has a really tough out of conference schedule this year, and sorry to say but it looks like they are going to go winless against their third big team, Cincinnati has had a surprisingly hot start, look for them to continue that into the month of October. Fresno will be back though, they look to return an entire team of seniors next year, so look out.

South Florida at #14 Florida State 12 PM EST

The Florida State Seminoles bullied BYU last weekend in an unexpected rout of the previously unbeaten BCS hopeful Cougars. Florida’s defense played fast and hit hard and some have said that it’s the “fastest defense in FSU history”. QB Christian Ponder was quite literally on fire against BYU last week, completing over 80% of his passes and running for 77 yards and one touchdown. The South Florida Bulls lost four year starter, and sometimes miracle worker QB Matt Grothe last weekend to a knee injury, and left to pick up the pieces is redshirt freshman BJ Daniels.

On paper, Florida State is better at every position except for maybe defensive back. Florida State is also playing at home and they just got done winning a road game against the highly touted BCS buster BYU. Also on paper there’s no way that the South Florida defense should be able to stop the running game of Florida State and the Bulls quarterback has no experience. Lucky for us they don’t play the games on paper, and I think that Florida State might be a little too full of themselves and the team is going to have a hard time playing at such a high level for a second week in a row. This is the team that only beat Jacksonville State 19-9. I predict the South Florida pulls the upset, I thik their defense is athletic enough to hang with the Seminoles and keep it close in time for a late game upset.

#22 North Carolina at Georgia Tech 12PM EST

Georgia Tech got embarrassed on national television last Thursday night against Miami. The Yellow Jackets vaunted triple option attack gained a paltry 95 yards on the ground and only one receiver caught any passes, needless to say they weren’t too thrilled to get blown out at home. The North Carolina Tarheels has the number 7 rush defense in the nation, so a major point of contention between these two teams is going to be whether or not Georgia Tech can run the ball. The formula is pretty simple, like the Pythagorean theorem! If Georgia Tech can run the ball, they can win, if they can’t then they can’t, also c squared! I’ll pick the home team.

#6 California at Oregon 3:30PM EST

The Ducks of Oregon pulled off the big upset against Utah last weekend at home. There are similarities between last weeks game and this game. The Cal Golden Bears are more skilled at virtually every position, just like Utah. Cal has a great running game and a solid defense, which is what Utah’s winning streak was built on. The difference here is the quality of the running back, Cal Junior running back Jahvid Best, who is a legitimate Heisman hopeful at this point in the season. Oregon’s biggest problem is the offensive line, who to put it nicely, has played inconsistently, and to put it not nicely, should be mopping up bathrooms at the stadium after the game to earn their keep.

Cal has done a great job of protecting the football thus far this year, if that continues they will win. If Oregon buys QB Jeremiah Masoli time to set his feet, then they will increase their chance of winning drastically. If Masoli is jumping around like he’s on hot coals all game, then fire up the mop and bucket. Expect Cal to come in run all over the Ducks.

#9 Miami at #11 Virginia Tech 3:30PM EST

For the second week in a row the Virginia Tech Hokies are playing in the game of the week. Last week they were able to pull off a last minute victory against a team that was overrated. Miami might be overrated as well but they have a history of coming into Lane Stadium and beating Tech at home. For some reason I can’t get over the fact that this is the first time since 2005 that both teams have been ranked for this meeting…That seems unnatural, this game used to be circled every year on everyone’s calendar, and now it’s like my birthday, worth noting, but you don’t circle the calendar.

Tech will need smart play from QB Tyrod Taylor, who will need to protect the ball and help out running back Ryan Williams, who will likely have problems finding holes against the swarming Miami defense. Miami is pumping Sophomore QB Jacory Harris as a Heisman guy, and so far he’s been great, he carved up Georgia Tech like a turkey, but I think the Hokies are less carve able but still quite turkey like. Miami has beaten two good teams, but I question whether they are really good or they have been beating up on ACC foes who have been down the last couple years. Hokies win at home, Miami hasn’t seen a defense this good yet this year. Have a good weekend!

College Football Weekend September 17-19

It will be a very short write-up this week as I have been feeling a little ill the last couple days. Also the best games of the week are on Thursday and Friday this week. Comments below:

“I'm from Cincy Ohio but I will tell you this the Buckeyes are going to embarrass themselves again - getting trampled by the Trojans! Pryor is starting to get cocky and I bet he will be a flop all year. He'll be another what's that former RB who claims his $7K worth of belonging were stolen from his Gremlin?? Maurice Clarett, yup Pryor will end up like Maurice did. Hmmm...maybe another Ryan Leaf dud??? BTW, Buckeyes should not have won that Navy game!!!!!” – Jim
You were right about the Buckeyes, although it was a little closer then I thought, also you should be excited for the Bearcats this weekend who are playing Oregon.

“If it's not #1 on your radar (or your heart), it should be - the Elon Phoenix are an impressive 2-0 so far this season after 56-0 and 42-7 dismantlings of Davidson and Presbyterian, respectively. This week they travel to play the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest in a showdown of bucolic NC schools. I don't know what else I can say besides the obvious - this game is huge.” - Ryan
Elon is always number one on my radar, and good luck to them as they play a Wake Forest team that has been pretty good in the last couple years.

Thursday 17 September
#14 Georgia Tech at #20 Miami 7:30PM EST
The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets are one of my favorite teams to watch in the entire country due the spread option offense that was brought to Tech by ex-Navy coach Paul Johnson. The spread option typically involves the quarterback and one ore more running backs running the ball on every play, and whomever carries the ball ultimately is decided in the middle of the play by how the defense reacts, it is my favorite college offense to watch, it’s like Dexter (on showtime) but for football.

The Miami Hurricanes coach Randy Shannon has vowed that if Georgia Tech is going to beat them then it won’t be by running the ball. Well as much as Randy means well, lots of people tried to stop the Georgia Tech running game last year, and it didn’t work out so hot for them, just like me when I go on dates. My guess is that it will be a hard fought game and the question will be whether Miami has improved enough this year to play disciplined defense. I’m really thinking Miami will win at home because of the tough game Tech had last week, but I like the option so much that I’ll go with Tech.

Friday 18 September
#10 Boise State at Fresno State 9PM EST
The Fresno State Bulldogs gave Wisconsin everything they could handle last weekend, eventually losing in overtime. Fresno hasn’t beaten a ranked opponent since 2004 when they defeated the now very humble Virginia cavaliers. But Fresno is always tough at home and Boise may be due for a letdown. The Boise State Broncos will need to rely on the efficient passing of QB Kellen Moore, who is currently completing about 65% of his passes.

I got this gem this afternoon, “Boise's run defense is legit this year and that is all Fresno has. I watched them play Wisconsin and their QB is a big time soft tosser who doesn't get the ball out on time on a regular basis. I am down big on Fresno this year as I hate that type of QB.”

Historically I almost always pick against Boise and I’m always wrong. My reasoning is usually along the lines of “They are due to break this winning streak.” or “I think it’s time for this team who are the second best of the decade to lose a game against a WAC opponent”. And it never works out for me. But this week I think I’m due, someone in the WAC will finally topple Boise because they are due to break that winning streak. It’s like betting against the Harlem Globetrotters.

Saturday 19 September
#19 Nebraska at #13 Virginia Tech 3:30PM
The Cornhuskers of Nebraska roll in to play the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University Hokies in Blacksburg, where fun goes to die. The major difference between these two teams thusfar is that Virginia tech has actually played a decent team and done well whereas Nebraska has been playing the Weak Sisters of the Poor University, and Slow Skinny Kid Tech, although to be fair the middle linebacker for the Sisters is a nun our of Texas who weighs 250 and runs a 4.3 second 40 yard dash. The main stat here is that Virginia Tech hasn’t lost a nonconference home game in the last 31 tries.

Trying to break that streak for the Cornhuskers is QB Zac Lee who has completed 74% of his passes thusfar. But he hasn’t seen a defense as tough as Tech’s who plays a fast swarming physical style of defense. Historically both teams pride themselves on defense, and much like my annual performance reviews, that’s exactly what this game could devolve into, a defensive struggle. I’m picking Tech for the exact opposite reason I’m picking against Boise, which is to say I’m inconsistent at all times. You could say that the only thing consistent about my thought process is the inconsistencies.

Other games I wish I had the energy to write about this weekend:
Texas Tech at #2 Texas – This was a great game last year and as much as it could be the same this year it’s more likely that Tech has just lost too much to graduation or the NFL to be competitive.

#18 Utah at Oregon – Little revenge game for Oregon who lost earlier in the year at Boise State, Utah will play a solid defensive game and pull a win out at Oregon.

Cincinnati at Oregon State – This game is an interesting match-up between two conferences that rarely clash in the Big East vs. the Pac-10. For those who are constantly arguing about strength of conferences, take a look at this one as both teams are in the upper tier of their respective conference.