New Precedent in Financial Savings for Athletes

So the great news this morning is that there was finally a case of a professional athlete practicing some fiscal responsibility. According to this story Javon Walker (WR, Oakland Raiders) was beat up last night and found unconscious on a street off the Las Vegas strip. But that's not necessarily the good news for Javon. The good news is that on Sunday night Javon was apparently spraying Dom Perignon Rose champagne all over the place at the Wynn hotel. This has led several pundits and peers to wonder why the hell he was spraying less expensive champagne around a nice hotel, one source was cited as saying, "Yo man you gots to have that Cristal when you are wetting them bitches down." However some financial analysts are praising Javon's choice of champagne, citing the massive savings he benefited from by choosing a less expensive champagne to waste by spraying all over one of the nicest hotels in Vegas which probably charged him for the damages. One analyst said, "Well, I guess if you are going to wet down an entire section of an expensive hotel with champagne, I'd hope you were using a less expensive champagne, I mean how frivolous was he trying to be? It's not as if he's driving a Rolls Royce Pickup truck or anything."

The information of Javon's tremendous fiduciary responsibility has spread like wildfire thought financial services brokers in the country, specifically those who service professional athletes. They are now telling all clients to switch to cheaper spraying champagnes when holding a victory celebration and at times when it becomes necessary to spray a bunch of women with said champagne. How was this cost cutting measure not implemented earlier? This oversight seems almost unforgivable, and it seems likely that many will be switching financial specialists after this new discovery, especially NASCAR team owners (except for Petty Enterprises who cited the fact that they never have to use champagne and thus would not incur any cost savings).

So bravo Javon, you've inspired rapid change and widespread news of how to correctly bathe people in champagne. However you haven't been able to revolutionize the "let's get beat up for putting ourselves in a dumb situation" contingency plans. As another writer said, "When you are that stupid to put yourself in bad situations when you have just signed a massive new contract and are coming off of an injury you deserve everything that happens to you." I for one couldn't agree more. I guess what Javon losses in common sense and life lessons, he makes up for with wise financial planning and decisions.

Marty Jenkins
Financial Analyst