College Football Weekend November 20th-22nd 2008

Happy almost the weekend notice to those of you who use this e-mail to judge such things (and I get comments every week to that effect). There are four points or themes or something that I have for this weeks column. The first is to inform everyone about all the fun stuff that is going on in College Football this weekend, this is the true rivalry weekend and thus the most fun weekend to watch. Second, to anyone who might be running a marathon this weekend, good luck, it sounds like absolutely no fun and I'm glad I have nothing to do with it. Third, to anyone who might happen to be my mother, happy birthday on Friday, aren't you impressed I totally remembered on my own and didn't even have to be reminded by one of my aunts? Incidentally your card might be late...because I didn't get a chance to go to the post office...and I don't know your address. Lastly I'd like to advise everyone that if you happen to be at the gym, and your roomate suggests you go to an ab class with him, don't go, it will be painful and humiliating and you know the effeminate gay guy teaching the class is thinking about how fat you are the whole time, also your stomach will hurt. So don't do it, I can't emphasize this enough, and if you keep going you are going to lose some of that portly fat guy look you've been perfecting for the last couple of years. Your first mistake was going to the gym to begin with. Also if your roomate suggests training for a triathlon with him, don't do it, it's even worse for your figure.

Enough of that, on to the football. This is my absolute favorite week of college football, the true rivalry week. It's when hearts and dreams are broken, it is when contenders become pretenders and then you eat a pretzel looking thing at halftime that gives you a stomach ache, or maybe it was that beer and malt liquor you were destroying before the game at tailgates...it's hard to figure out (btw Cubb thanks for buying me that pretzel a couple years ago when I had no cash on me and I had drank all that beer and malt liquor, you are a lifesaver). If you are the BCS committee you are praying that the season unfolds like so; Texas Tech and Alabama go undefeated and Utah, Boise, and Ball State all lose. That's it, pretty simple, it makes them look more valid. In my perfect world, Alabama, and Texas Tech lose, Florida, Oklahoma, Texas, USC, and Penn State all lose, vaulting Utah and Boise State into the national title game, and Ball State smokes Alabama in a bowl game and frogs learn to fly and a horse in memphis learns to play the piano. Between the two lurks what I call reality, a dark and dreary place where both Texas Tech and Alabama lose leaving Texas to play Florida in the national title game, also Utah and Ball State lose and Boise plays Oklahoma in the a rematch BCS bowl. For the record this is what I believe will happen.

Comments:
"Football is a barbaric sport marty, I can't believe you watch it. - Justin"
Ahem, then I guess that's why you spent all sunday night watching the redskins game with me?

"My question is this: at what point do you put Wake Forest in the national championship game based solely on how great they are overall, or what I like to call their "AWESOMEITUDE!!!", and don't worry about how many games they've lost or their strength of schedule or the fact that in 9 games they've figured out how to get into the end zone in only 2 of them. AWESOMEITUDE! - Ratty"
My head exploded when I read this, and also my spell check. But the good news is, that Wake could still win the ACC, and thereby go to a BCS game. Then again there are like 14 other teams in the ACC that could do the same thing. All I'll say about is that I'm getting a little weary of all the sister kissing going on in the ACC, someone needs to step up and just win the conference, but more importantly (and this is where half the people here stop reading forever) it's possible that right now every single team in the 12 team conference could go to a bowl game...thus making them the best conference in the country...I just threw up.

"Dude - the nursery rhyme theme was EPIC - you must do that again! That was hilarious - Brian"
The only thing epic about it was the amount of epic fail it contained. Also the biggest challenge was to remember all of the fables and such I knew. For reference, I apparently know alot, and this knowledge has garnered me the nickname "Pooh Bear" at the office. Because on our weekly quiz I was able to correctly guess the name of the forest in which Winnie the Pooh lived, but I was unable to remember how many ounces of beer there were in a pint...

Games:
#23 Miami (FL) at Georgia Tech - ACC game between two potential ACC champions, the Miami Hurricanes and the Georgia Tech Yellowjackets. Root for Georgia Tech because you hate Miami and GT's coach was the former coach at Navy and he brought his triple option attack to a major conference. I love it. Flip a coin in this one, it's basically any one's guess. Dr. Coin predicts the Yellowjackets in a close one.

North Carolina State at #22 North Carolina - Intrastate rivalry game (although I think Duke is UNC's real rival) between the UNC Tarheels and the NC State Wolfpack. If you get a chance, and I know I've said it a bunch of times this year. Take a look at UNC's QB Cameron Sexton, he has the throwing power of 20,000 Juggs machines. His pass would put a hole through my chest if I gave him the opportunity to pass to me. This is also one of the few games in the ACC where a team that could win the conference is playing someone that can't, so root for chaos, root for UNC to stay in the mix in the ACC. I'll take UNC in overtime.

Washington at Washington State - The 1-10 WSU Cougars VS. the 0-10 Washington Huskies...has there ever been a worse state for college football in one year than Washington? You might be asking yourself, "Marty, why are you writing about two terrible teams who have one win against a Division 1-AA team between them?" It's simple really, I do it because it's funny to me that two teams could be this bad in a major conference. It's also funny to me that I will be sitting through the entirety of this game, at a UW bar after I watch the Lehigh game at another bar. So to educate everyone, the Huskies are the ones in the purple who suck and whose coach has been fired at the end of the season, the Cougars are the ones in maroon who suck and who's coach has been fired at the end of the season. Unlike the NFL this game can't end in a tie so we won't have to see something as bad as the Philadelphia Eagles did last sunday...

#15 Michigan State at #8 Penn State - This is not the same Michigan State team that got hammered in the first game of the year against Cal, it does however remain to be seen if this is the same Spartans team that got hammered by Ohio State a little over a month ago. The Penn State Nittany Lions meanwhile would need a miracle to get to the national title game, but they still need to win this game to go to the Rose Bowl. Whomever wins this game would be guarenteed at least a share of the Big 10 title and if Penn State wins they would go to the Rose bowl, if the Spartans win they would have to hope that Ohio State loses to Michigan to get into a BCS bowl. Penn State has a crazy talented team like Anne Heisch crasy, they seem to be stacked all the way from running and passing threat QB Darrell Clark, to RB Evan Royster, and WRs Deon Butler and Derrick Williams. Michigan State will depend on RB Javon Ringer who is the third leading running back in the entire nation. Penn State has the advantage in every position group besides running back, and some might even argue that they are better there. I think the game will come down to whether MSU can stop the Penn State running attack, which I suspect they cannot, I think the Nittany Lions and legendary coach Joe Paterno finish strong, and take themselves to the Rose Bowl, which Joe naps through.

Boston College at Wake Forest - A game between two potential ACC champions, the Miami Hurri...I mean the BC Golden Eagles and the wake Forest Demon Deacons. Flip a coin in this one, it's basically anyone's guess. Dr. Coin predicts the Deacons win a close one at home. The shame of it being that the most exciting part of Wake Forest, their all-american kicker, has been hurt the last couple weeks and he probably won't play.

#14 Brigham Young at #7 Utah - Lots of people predicted at the beginning of the season that the Holy War (yes that is what they really call the game) would determine which one of these teams would be BCS busters, and whomever wins this does win the Mountain West conference. Unfortunately the BYU Cougars and QB Max Hall stumbled earlier in the year against TCU. But that doesn't mean it will be a cake walk for the Utes, Hall is one of the nations most efficient quarterbacks (don't you feel like this is true of every single BYU QB?) and they can run the ball pretty darn well too. But they don't run nearly as well as a Utah team who has allowed RBs Darrell Mack and Matt Asiata who have averaged almost 5 yards a carry all season. The biggest concern in this game is if the BYU defense, who has allowed a poor 4 yards a carry, can stop the Utes rushing attack, well that might be the second largest concern, the first being why any football rivalry would want to call itself the Holy War, of which I won't get into the intricacies of it, but I will say that I hope nobody sustains any injuries from any bible-like books that might be hurled. I'll take BYU to shock Utah out of a BCS bowl.

#20 Pittsburgh at #19 Cincinnati - It's sad when at this point in the season the only 4 teams I've seen play from the Big East is UConn (because they played twice on friday night), Cincinnati (because they were on the big ten network against Oklahoma), West Virginia (because they played somebody who was on out here during not primetime) and Pitt (because they beat Notre Dame when no other games were on and I was folding laundry). Needless to say, I don't have alot to say about these teams because I haven't seen them much, and while I could lie to you and read about them and try to say things that I don't really know or understand since I've not seen them. I'm going to go a different route, I'm going to pick the winner based on whom has the prettier uniforms. The Pitt Panthers wear gold helmets with a kinda blueish-purple uniform with white. The Cincinnati Bearcats run a black with red scheme. Although I like red and black, I feel like those colors are overdone, they are so passe, so I like the Panthers, because of their pretty gold helmets that remind me of summers spent in Prague! (note: i've never spent a summer in prague)

Florida State at #25 Maryland - A game between two potential ACC champions, the Maryland Terrapins and the FSU Seminoles. Flip a coin in this one, it's basically anyone's guess. Dr. Coin predicts the Terrapins win a close one at home. The most fun in this game is it literally could go either way, Maryland at times has been the worst team in the ACC and at other times has been the best team in the ACC, they are in a way a metaphor for the rest of the league. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, always confusing.

#2 Texas Tech at #5 Oklahoma - The Sooners of Oklahoma against the Red Raiders of Texas Tech. No other game has more potential impact on who plays in the national title game than this one. This is essentially the Apex game from which all title possibilities flow forward from, it could validate the BCS's existence this year, or damn it to heck. If TT wins, they likely would get into the title game even if they lost the Big 12 title game. If Oklahoma wins it would be scramble to see whether they or Texas would get a nod to the National Title game assuming Texas wins out and wins the Big 12 title game. Graham Harrell is the QB of the Red Raiders and he will throw to and take Heisman votes away from his amazing receiver Michael Crabtree who will take Heisman votes away from Harrell and thus neither of them will win the race. QB Sam Bradford of the Sooners has had a great year and could lead the Sooners to a much deserved BCS game with a win. It is a very evenly matched game, but one can't help but think that Texas Tech would struggle on the road, since all their big games have been played at home in front of a riotous crowd which the team has really fed off of. Much has been made of how poorly Oklahoma's defense matches up against Texas Tech, and I'll just reiterate, that they were a much different team at home this year then they were on the road. So I'll predict a win for the home team.

Lehigh vs. Lafayette - What some of you may have been waiting for all year, my yearly Lafayette bashing session. Well guess, what, I'm going to rise above it this year, I'm not going to crack wise about all of the Lafayette teams fat promiscuous mommas. I'm not going to point out that their dumb HD screen fails to take away from the fact that they're stadium sucks and is ugly. I'm not going to mention how the school is in a shitty part of Easton and the people of that town have lost all decency and morals. I could mention how the Leopards always have black and dirty spots and that is a reflection on their souls, but I'm not going to. I could go on a rant about how the Lehigh Engineers are the best representations of scholar athletes in the country, but that would make me seem biased, which I am clearly not to either school. So instead I will just wish that the 144th playing of "The Rivalry" will be played with the best of sportsmanship, and hopefully Lehigh will overcome the 4 game win streak that Lafayette has going.